It’s times like this I really miss my “word nerd” partner Renee the most. I could go sit in her kitchen and she could help me figure out how to best articulate what I want to say. It’s funny too, because this is a subject Renee and I have spoken about often. You see we both rely on HUGE service dogs just to navigate our daily lives. Great Dane service dogs. They’re not easy to hide and you see them coming from afar. They draw tremendous attention but then, so does any service dog. Renee and I have often said we long for the day the dog just becomes invisible and we can just live our lives. I’m not sure if or when that day will come but let me try and explain what that means.

Over the last year, I’ve had to engage the assistance of a number of other people to help me as I’ve traveled this breast cancer journey. I’ve had to use alternate handlers for Willow during my biopsies, surgeries, MRI’s and during my hospital stays. It’s given them a glimpse of the world through my eyes. More so than before when I still would would an alternate handler on occasion. This has been much more concentrated.

Yesterday was a great example. I had a MRI and brought my friend Terri for Willow. Terri has actually been with me and Willow since the beginning so none of this is new to her. We of course were met with the usual “beautiful dog”, etc. and led to the waiting room. I was also handed 2 pages, front and back, to fill out of what seemed like my entire medical history. As I’m attempting to fill out what I already find a frustrating form, I’m now being peppered with questions from people in the waiting room. “How old is she?” “They don’t live that long do they?” (my personal favorite) “How long have you had her?” “What’s her name?’ “Wow, she’s big!” “Is she always that good?” In my head I’m screaming “CAN I JUST FILL OUT THIS F*&*ING FORM?!” Thankfully, Terri was running interference. Then the bystanders begin to regale us with the tales of their dogs. How they feed them scraps of chicken (Terri could see me scowling), or how they “just don’t listen.” Kudos to Terri who actually said “have you tried training your dogs?” I of course, wanted to laugh as I’d heard this a million times. This continued on. At one point they were going to test the fire alarm in the hospital. A tech appeared and said “oh, she’s not going to like this!” I looked at him and said “what?” he explained the fire alarm. By now I was thoroughly annoyed and admittedly snapped. I said “Her? Trust me, she does fire alarms all day long IN fire houses. It’s not a problem. Oh, and she’s a service dog. she’s bomb proof.” Terri pointed out I’d been a bitch and owed him an apology. Fair enough.

I got a respite as I got to lie in the magnet for literally 2 hours. I’m still not sure who suffered more. When They had Terri bring Willow to get me from the magnet she (Terri) was visibly worn down. I could see they’d gotten to her. On the ride home we discussed her experience. She told me that she had been treated to stories of everyone’s dogs and how poorly trained they were. How spoiled they were. Their schedules and basically their life stories. I then said “do you see why I was a bit of a bitch?” That’s my life everyday. Every time I go the grocery store, the drug store, the doctors office, even awaiting my double mastectomy, EVERYWHERE! I can’t just go and “be.” Sometimes I want to just sit in silence, sometimes I don’t feel well and just need to get in to the store and get out, sometimes just like the average person I may be just having a bad day. I just want to live my life such as it is. Terri pointed out that she noticed I don’t make eye contact like I used to when I’m out.  She said she now does this when she’s with Willow. I laughed and said “that really is rule one. Don’t make eye contact.” Rule two is try not to engage by keeping responses brief. She commented that she really understood now what it must be like everyday. The dog/people part, yes.

I compared it to one of the guy’s sneakers. What if I had suddenly fixated on his shoes? “oh, I have a pair of sneakers!” “I wear them walking.” “I LOVE my sneakers!” “I wash them twice a week” I sleep with my sneakers.” “I bought them special laces” I’m guessing he’d tune right out. You also wouldn’t do that with someone’s wheelchair. “Oh I LOVE your chair!” “You know, I was thinking if I ever needed a wheelchair, I’d go with a TI light.” “What kind of pad is that?” “Is it comfortable?” “I’ve heard those tires wear out quickly.” “Can I pet your wheelchair?” you get my point.

Do we know when we choose a service dog that they will attract attention? Yes. It’s actually something you have to consider when deciding if it’s right for you. And honestly I appreciate the passing compliment. “beautiful dog” is always wonderful to hear. Working now with Matilda in public people can’t believe how well trained she is and still a puppy. I love hearing “she’s amazing.” I even don’t mind answering the well meaning question about service dogs as I’m always happy to educate. But honestly, if you see a service dog team in public remember they’re just trying to go about their lives as you are. If you have questions you may want to preface it with “Is this a good time?” It may not be and they may be happy to get back to you. What we really want is to just sit and fill out our two pages of forms uninterrupted with our service dog lying quieting by our side. Just as if we had set a cane there. We actually spend many hours training so our service dogs essentially become invisible. To lay quietly, do their jobs without disturbance. They are our partners and while yes they are gorgeous, we honestly don’t have them for a conversation piece. We have them so we can simply try to live our lives as any able bodied person does. Please be mindful of that.

And guess what? We also are more than our dogs. We may be disabled but we still are people with other interesting aspects of our lives. Sometimes when you do speak to us, you may want to wander into those areas. For example when I first met Renee I didn’t see the huge dog at her feet. I saw these amazing arms on a woman. I just had to know how in the world she got those arms. In fact, my first words ever spoken to her weren’t about the dog.  I tapped her on the shoulder and said “Hey, where did you get those arms?!” Turns out, there in fact was an amazing story and person behind those incredible arms. So be mindful of that as well. We are not our disability or the tools we use to assist us. We’re still us. And some of us are pretty damn interesting like Renee.

As for the tech I needed to apologize to? I did. I told him I was extremely sorry for biting his head off. He actually laughed and said he now understood. I said I still was very sorry.

The upside of the day was we did get to speak to a woman who’s husband was a quadriplegic and would really benefit from a service dog. We were able to provide her with information and resources. THAT is a conversation I will always have regardless of what I’m doing or how I’m feeling.

~Willow and Matilda’s Mom

#Servicedogs #MobilityDog #MS