I Failed…..

Three years ago a litter of magnificent Great Dane puppies was born. Black and Fawn, all gorgeous and perfect. All born to the care of an extremely responsible breeder. I had been searching for over a year for such a breeder and puppy. They’re hard to find. I needed a great temperament, health tested for multiple generations and an actual “track record” of the dog’s personalities to help me stack the deck if you will. You see this puppy would have a special job if it succeeded in training. It would be my service dog.

A ten page puppy application was submitted. Vet references were contacted. A phone interview conducted. We met in person and then I received the greatest news. Yes, I could have one of these wonderful puppies. I was elated!

The boxes of toys piled up, new crates arrived and the house was prepared for the new arrival. We also made multiple trips to the breeder trying to select just the right puppy. Oddly, it was an easy decision. Though I went in truly wanting a black puppy, there was a Fawn in a purple collar that just stood out to me and to my friend Terri. It was quickly decided the Purple collar girl was the one. I still don’t know exactly why but she was the one. There was something in her eyes. A wisdom if you will. She was Matilda.

The day came to pick her up. I was so excited! Her breeder and I spoke at length about the contract and her expectations. I promised to always provide her with love, proper health care, training, proper food, everything she needed for life. If I could not provide these things she was to only be returned to her breeder. If I ever had any questions, her breeder was there to answer them. I was committed to providing my beautiful little girl only the best life.

On the 2 1/2 hour drive home I actually talked to her and told her how much she would love her new home. How much she was already loved. All about her new “siblings.” How well she would be cared for. People have often remarked they would like to come back as one of my animals. I felt confident in the promises I was making to her.

Matilda settled in beautifully. A happy girl, always eager to please. She was an absolute dream to train. She was even funny. She provided great comic relief to our obedience class when at 95 lbs. she would proceed to “down” on top of Willow (my current service dog at the time) looking like Snoopy on his dog house. However, I should note she would do it on a hand signal. 🙂 Yes, she was brilliant. A comic but brilliant.

At two years old she began working. She had been vetted, proofed by our trainer and everything looked great. She was the magnificent girl I knew she was when I spotted that little Purple collar puppy. Until……….

On July 7, 2018 Matilda went into heart failure. What seemed like an innocent clearing of the throat led me to listen with a stethoscope and what I heard was terrifying. When we arrived at the vet, she looked normal. Happy, tail wagging, she looked like Matilda. But quickly a chest x-ray revealed the horrifying truth. Her chest was filled with fluid and she was in heart failure. And then the question I’ll never forget “You’re not feeding grain free are you?” I immediately knew why she was asking. I had just read an article by Dr. Lisa Freeman from Tufts linking grain free diets to DCM (DilatedCardiomyopathy) in dogs and the answer was yes. I had been feeding grain free. I burst into tears. “I did this to her!”We found a cardiologist on duty in Boston, injected her with IV Lasix to immediately begin off loading the fluid and began the trip to the ER in Boston. In a sad twist of irony, I had decided to switch her food after reading Dr. Freeman’s article. It was delivered that day.

During the entire excruciating drive into Boston all I could think of was “I failed her.” I kept apologizing to her. It was my fault after all. I chose to feed her that food. The food that now has her in heart failure. I knew the very real risk of sudden death. How would I ever live with myself? I had promised her I would provide her the best of everything including food and healthcare. Yet, I fed her a diet that may well cost her, her life. I failed her, is all I could think of.

When we arrived in Boston the cardiologist confirmed she was in CHF with DCM and agreed that based on her history, it was most likely diet related. Her Taurine test that came back a few days later was actually low. While encouraging in that diet related or Nutritionally Mediated NM-DCM patients can recover, there is no guarantee. Nor does anyone know to what extent. She would be placed on Lasix to manage fluids, cardiac medications, her diet obviously changed and Taurine supplements started immediately. She also couldn’t work until she was out of heart failure and would have strict activity restrictions. And she was hospitalized for two days. I had truly failed her.

Thankfully, she quickly responded to treatment and was cleared to return to work within a month. She was keeping the fluid off. She was drinking and peeing like mad and I didn’t sleep a full night for two months but it was after all, my fault. At two months she went to Tufts for an echo and exam. Much to everyone’s surprise she had actually improved already. Her heart had decreased somewhat in size and was functioning better. The same was true two months later and we were able to decrease her Lasix. In January her progress stalled. We had actually decreased her Taurine in November and I felt it may have contributed. We increased it again and her March exam once again showed improvement.

She remains on cardiac medication and Supplements. She also still has restrictions no three year old dog should have. She can’t run laps around the yard. No “zoomies.” She can play in the house but she’s watched for any signs of exercise intolerance. Will she ever recover fully? There’s no way to know. Some dogs do, some don’t. The only definite in this equation is that I failed her. And that is something I will forever live with.

So on this her third birthday when she should be running outside she lay next to me as I write this. She looks at me with those same eyes that Purple collar puppy had that seem to know all. And I know she like myself, does not want another dog to endure this nightmare. Another owner to feel the guilt of failing their dog. This disease is preventable. Matilda’s case was reported to the FDA and is being followed by them along with many other cases that have been reported. Dr. Joshua Stern published a study in December of 2018 regarding this issue. I beg you, if you have been feeding your dog a “suspect” diet (boutique, exotic or grain free) PLEASE have them examined by a board certified cardiologist. Echocardiogram is the ONLY way to truly diagnose DCM. Unfortunately, DCM is silent until it’s not. By then it may be too late. Also, sudden death is actually a symptom. If your dog is diagnosed and was on a suspect diet, please report to the FDA. It is so important the FDA have this information as they proceed with their investigation.

AND please change your dog’s diet to a safe food! That would be a food that meets WSAVA guidelines. Right now that’s limited to Purina, Royal Canin, Eukanuba and Science Diet. And regardless of manufacturer, until this is sorted I would avoid grain free. Also, that AAFCO statement you read on the bag? Turns out it’s pretty meaningless with most manufacturers. For example, Matilda was fed exclusively Taste of the Wild. A Diamond product. It had an AAFCO statement. Did they do feeding trials? NO! Did they do any trials when they changed the formula? NO! Do they employ a veterinary nutritionist? NO! Nutrition is so important. It’s also not costly to feed a safe and balanced food. In fact, those boutique brands are charging premium prices for what may cost you the ultimate price. Your dog’s life.

So on this, Matilda’s third birthday, I can’t undo my failure. But I can try to help prevent others from falling prey to the same mistake and also failing their dogs. I am providing links to a number of great resources. The first is the Taurine Deficient DCM Facebook page. I normally eschew any medical advice given on FB but this group is unique. It’s admin’s and moderators are actually veterinarians, veterinary nutritionists and other extremely knowledgeable people. The information on the site is all scientific and research based. I highly recommend it. I’m including the original FDA warning and the follow up. Dr. Freeman’s articles. as well.

I hope you find this information helpful and most sincerely, I hope you won’t fail your dog.

I love you Matilda to the moon and back a thousand times over. And I will be forever devastated that I failed you. head shot